Twelve Things.

I read a lot of crap on msn.com that is teased in little blurbs as I try to check my hotmail. Today I was excited to see “Hot on Hotmail Women: 12 things to do before having a child.”
Awesome. I wonder what daring and exhilarating risks MSN wants to encourage. I wonder how many of the “must be dones” I’ve actually done. I wonder if any will be illegal.

The list, I found, was not only boring but freaking obvious. The smarties at MSN don’t want you pre-natal ladies to forget to talk with your partner about the decision. They want to make sure you see a doctor, take vitamins, research family medical histories and save money. Thanks, Alonna Friedman, I’m glad you consulted all of the experts, so I don’t have to wonder what to do. To be fair, numbers 10 and 11 were more like what I was expecting. Number 10 was basically about not taking heavy drugs and binge drinking. Yeah. Number 11, to get some quality time in with the partner and go to Jamaica or something. Thanks.

I made a little list of my own. So, women of the world, please, whatever you do, don’t go and get knocked up before reading THIS list.

Hot on Irresistible Bliss Women: 12 things to do before having a child.

1. Run from cops/campus security/concert officials.
2. Follow a band to at least two cities that are not your own.
3. Buy a pair of shoes that costs over $250.
4. Go to many other countries. Three at the very least.
5. Don’t shower for four days straight. (Because of camping or some other adventure.)
6. Try at least three religions.
7. Get food poisoning.
8. Drink fifty-year-old wine.
9. Sing Karaoke.
10. Ride a motorcycle (or on one, if you suck).
11. Write a letter to someone you admire that did not know you looked up to them.
12. Give blood. (If you can.)